Ceremony
While many
weddings are still held in churches and temples, the growing trend is for the ceremony
site and the reception site to be one and the same. I don’t believe this is any statement on
religion but instead a realization that many of the reception venues are
outstanding ceremony sites as well. And
the Reno/Tahoe area has some absolutely stunning venues. I can set my equipment up to play those
special songs or amplify those vows making most any music or program you have
dreamed of possible.
Seating
Music
You may want
to impart a certain mood on your guests as they arrive at the wedding site and
find a seat. I can help you pick songs
to make this possible and play them as seating commences. Some people like classical music during this
time. Some prefer jazz or light
instrumentals. There is no right or
wrong choice. My suggestion is to pick
beautiful, elegant music that elevates the mood of the people coming to witness
your marriage. I have hundreds of songs
that I use towards this end and I can go to some of my best ones if you don’t
have a preference. I usually gravitate
towards Enya or Vitamin String Quartet or classical but there is no right or
wrong. Whatever you envision, I will
make it happen. Some weddings have a
special song for the seating of the moms or grandparents. This is a nice touch but it is one more thing
you may have to work on during rehearsal so many couples skip it for
simplicity.
Ceremony
Music
In the 24 years I have been deejaying weddings I have
witnessed many changes in preferences for both events and music. One of the biggest changes has been in
ceremony music.
When I was a brand-new wedding DJ in 1988,
almost every wedding used Here Comes the Bride and the Wedding March
for their processional and recessional.
The Bridal party’s processional song was usually Pacbel’s Canon
or Ode to Joy or one of a few other
classical songs. Not that this was bad-
these songs are beautiful and I still get requests for them, but the advent of
the internet and iTunes has really changed music selection. It allowed people to find new versions of
these tried-and-true songs and have them played at their ceremonies. Then people began to think, “Hey I really
love that song by….” and had it incorporated into the ceremony. Now the old standards are rarely played while
a myriad of songs has replaced them.
This brings me to an ongoing theme of mine:
don’t be afraid to put your stamp on your reception, whether it’s a twist on a
traditional event or a unique song to walk down the aisle to. People will vividly remember that you kissed
and left happily married while Kiss Me
by Sixpence None the Richer was playing instead of the Wedding March, for example.
Plus whenever you or they hear that song, those memories will come
flooding back.
A couple of suggestions for ceremony music-
the processional songs of both the bridal party and the bride should be
something that you can find a natural cadence to. If it has a nice steady tempo you and your
bridesmaids will adapt to it naturally and your walk down the aisle will flow
that much better. Also, the mood of the
song is important. It should impart the
beauty and focus of the moment. Finally,
you may want to think of the length of the song as well. The longer the better, because the I can fade
out if it is too long, but if it is too short, you may be halfway in your walk
when it runs out, if you have a long way to go.
But I can always loop a song so it continuously plays, making almost any
short song long enough.
When you have kissed and the officiant has
introduced you as husband & wife, your recessional song can really make
this a special moment. I think upbeat
songs work best, and if you have a song that means something to you or is an
inside joke to some of your family or guests, so much the better. Another nice idea is for the bridal
processional and the bridal couple’s recessional to be the same song but by
different artists. For example, an
instrumental, slower-paced version of a popular song would work for the bride,
and when the couple walks away the full-blown regular song gets the crowd in a
festive mood.
Ceremony
P.A.
I do have wired and wireless hand-held & clip-on microphones
which can be routed through my equipment or the house system. They can be used for the officiant, for vows,
songs or readings. But performance can
be affected by the environment, especially when the ceremony is outside. Wind, distance, and the proximity the user holds
the mic from his or her mouth can affect the quality. Most officiants are able to project their
voices and some don’t like to hold a mic, so check with yours for their
preference. But it is nice to have the
ability to amplify and I can help you with any of these needs.
Reception
There are lots of possible events that you
can have at your reception. It just
depends on your tastes and those of your guests. You can do some, all or none of the following
events in pretty much any order you choose.
However some events go better at certain times. I’ve listed them in the most logical order,
but again, it is your wedding and how you envision it is how it should be. You may have another event that I haven’t
included- no problem. Basically what I’m
trying to get across is that nothing is written in stone about how you schedule
your reception. You are the boss!
Setting exact times for events usually does
not work well at a reception, except when it comes to the caterers. They like to know when to serve dinner or
pour champagne. But they are more
flexible than they’d admit, and many times it is they who screw up the
schedule. Photographers tend to eat up
time. And just the normal events can go
off schedule quickly. Something you
expected to take a few minutes stretches into fifteen or vice-versa. I’ve found through hundreds of receptions
that a list of events in the order they occur works best. That way we can adjust as we go and if you
want to scratch or add an event at the last minute or completely change the
order, we can do it and the guests won’t be the wiser.
Basically besides providing the music at the
reception, I’m also emceeing the events, coordinating with the photographers,
checking with the caterer and dealing with your guests. I’m
your reception coordinator, keeping the reception flowing, guests happy,
and your other hired help informed and pacified. Let’s take a look at some possible events:
Grand
Entrance
Usually the bride and groom arrive at the
reception somewhat after the guests.
I’ll play jazz or background music for the guests, setting a party
atmosphere but without going into dance mode.
Photos at the ceremony site or the bride and groom just wanting a bit of
time alone is usually the cause, plus the fact if you want a Grand Entrance,
you probably don’t want to beat your guests to the reception. Nothing is more awkward than announcing the
bride and groom to a handful of people or without your loved ones there to
cheer you on.
Some couples want everyone in the wedding
party introduced. Some include their
parents. Some just want themselves. There is no “correct” way. Whatever feels right to you. If you intend on having a Receiving Line (see
below) then it is good to introduce everyone in the line.
One thing about introducing everyone- it
takes some coordination. You have to get
everyone together, making sure you don’t leave out anyone who’ll get their
feelings hurt, and you have to give me a list beforehand. Some couples just have themselves introduced
and then during the second dance they have the wedding party and family introduced
instead. That works well.
There is no right or wrong way to be
introduced either. You could do any of
the following or something else.
Whatever you are comfortable with, for example:
“Mr. & Mrs. John Doe” or “Jane &
John Doe” or John & Jane” or “The Does” etc…
This is not as popular as it once was. Usually the more formal the wedding, the more
you’ll find it done. Also you’ll see it
at big weddings where the two families don’t know each other well or there are
a lot of guests who don’t know the families well.
Basically, it is a line that begins or ends
with the bride and groom, usually includes the parents, and also the bridal
party. The guests file through and are
able to talk briefly with everyone in the line.
It takes some time, depending on the amount of guests and the size of
the wedding party, but it is nice in the fact that everyone gets the
opportunity to talk and meet and greet everyone in the wedding.
Most newly-married couples instead opt to
mingle, spending time wandering from table to table which is much more personal
and allows you to get to people who may be too shy or disabled to come up in a
line. Some couples do both- have a line
and make it a point to mingle as well.
Again, there is no right or wrong way- whatever you are most comfortable
with goes.
Benediction/Prayer
This is not done at every reception but when
it is done it is usually right before the meal, but often comes before the
toasts or after the Grand Entrance. Most
have their minister or priest say something, but others will have a father,
uncle, or friend say a few words.
Dinner/Buffet
This usually takes a while. It is a good time to relax a bit before some
of the other events. It’s usual for the
bride and groom, the wedding party, and immediate family to be served or go
through the buffet line first. This is
practical for a couple of reasons. First
it ensures you get something to eat!
It’ll be a long, emotional day and you’ll need the energy and the
break. Also, you get ahead of the
majority of the guests, which is good, because while they are eating you can
mingle or visit tables, the photographers can get missing shots, or you can
start with other events. If you are
worried about time, buffets are the quickest for all involved while full service
sit-down meals take longer. I’ll usually
play background music throughout, at a lower level so that people can talk with
their tablemates.
Toasts
The first toast is traditionally given by the
Best Man or Maid of Honor, or by one or both of the dads, but it could be given
by anyone you wish. A typical
reception will start with the Best Man’s initial toast, perhaps followed by the
Maid/Matron of Honor’s toast and maybe a family member. Many couples want me to ask if anyone else
would like to propose a toast, either coming up to use the mic or just from
their table. Couples also use the
opportunity to toast their guests and thank them for coming. There really is no set way of doing it.
The catering crew will need five or ten
minutes notice to pour champagne for everyone.
Some couples have cider or champagne for themselves and the guests use
whatever they have in front of them. The
toast is a great way to segue into another big event, like the cake or the
first dance.
Cake
Cutting
This is another event which refocuses the
event back onto the happy couple. The
caterers will need some notice as they will probably be cutting, plating, and
maybe distributing the cake after you make the ceremonial cuts. This is a great time for the photographers to
get some of the special shots they need, and they’ll direct you in getting
those poses. I’ll play some appropriate
background music and coordinate the event.
One word of advice: don’t be the first to feed cake to your new spouse…
The guests will need some time to come up
and get cake or have it served to them so after the cake it is a good time to
go into another event that only you and the wedding party will participate in
such as the First Dance.
This is typically the most romantic moment
of the reception- you and your new spouse dancing to that song that has a
special meaning only to you two.
Everyone’s eyes will be on you, flashbulbs will be going off, people
will be clapping and yelling, and you won’t even notice. It’s one of those moments you’ll remember
forever.
Maybe you don’t have a special song. No worries.
I can suggest lots and one will usually work great. Maybe you have several songs that mean
something. Also no problem. We can work them in to following dances or
into the mix of the music later on.
There is no set type of music. I’ve played lots of songs that haven’t been
hits or that their guests maybe had never heard before. No big deal.
It is what you like that matters.
Also some couples have waltzed, some have done elaborate tangos, and
some have just stood still while the world spins around them and enjoyed the
moment.
Usually the entire first song is just for
the two of you- others begin to join you in the next song or so (see
below).
Second
Dance
This is where the dancing really starts to
kick in. You can have your parents and
the bridal party introduced here, and they can get a little of the spotlight
back on them. This is great for the
photographers so they can get more shots.
Some couples have just the parents join them
on the floor the second dance while the bridal party enters on the third. Other couples have me invite all the guests
up to dance floor right afterwards.
Others wait until the third dance.
Again there is no right or wrong way.
Father-Daughter/
Mother-Son Dance
Many couples think they should dance with
their parents or relatives in the second dance.
That is cool, however it is nice to have a special Father/Daughter
and/or Mother /Son dance that is just for them.
It usually is the most sentimental moment in the reception and gets a
people teary-eyed before it is finished.
This dance can be right after the first
dance, but some brides like to separate it from the first dances to make it a
bit more special. Some possible songs
that might be played include Daddy’s Little Girl, Butterfly Kisses, Through
the Years, Daddy’s Hands, My Girl and Unforgettable. It’s even better if you share a special
song with your mom or dad.
Money
Dance
This is a dance where the guests dance with
the bride or groom providing they bring up some money. I’ll play one or more slower songs, depending
on the line. It is a staple at about
half the weddings I’ve done. It is a
very old tradition from countries around the globe. Some couples think that asking for money at
the wedding for a dance is too much, as your guests have most likely already
brought a present. However it can be a
very meaningful way to connect with your guests one-on-one (and very lucrative
as well!).
Usually there are some guests who will be
too shy to cut in on a normal dance to visit with one of you. This gives them an easy way to do that. You may have someone just wanting to make
your honeymoon that much better with a few twenties, while there may be that
little girl with a dollar who just wants to be a princess for a moment and
dance with the groom. Either way you are
making sure that your guests have a great experience and also have a chance to
help out the new couple a bit more if they’d like to.
I am very diplomatic, saying that this is
their guaranteed chance to dance with you and that it goes for a good cause-
making your honeymoon that much more special.
There are different ways to accept the
money. Some couples have the Best Man
and the Maid/Matron of Honor collect the money from the guests in line. Others accept it when the guests come up-
often the bride has a special silk bag to put hers in. Still others have the guests pin the money on
the groom’s tux and the bride’s dress.
This looks cool and can make for some interesting placement of bills,
but it also takes a lot of extra time, and more than a few times I’ve seen the
bride or groom pierced by a nervous guest…ouch!
Bouquet/Garter
Toss
This is usually done towards the end of the reception. Traditionally, it was done right as you were
leaving for your honeymoon, the last thing as you exited the reception was a
fling of the bouquet over the bride’s shoulder.
This is rare now. Most
photographers charge by the hour and they like to get the shots of the tosses
before they leave. Plus most couples now
stay until the end of the reception.
Typically the single girls and women will
gather together on the dance floor and the bride will toss it over her
shoulder, with the catcher supposedly the next to get married.
The same goes for the garter, though the
groom usually retrieves it from the bride’s leg before he sends it flying
towards the single guys.
This can be a very fun event- usually
everyone gets a kick out of it. The
photogs will want pictures with you and the two that caught the garter and
bouquet and that sometimes is the end of the tosses.
However there is a tradition that many
couples want included after the tosses:
The
higher the guy who caught the garter puts that garter on the gal who caught the
bouquet’s leg (following me here?), the better the luck for the bride and groom
in their new marriage.
So I’ll do the garter toss music again, and
explain everything, and the guy will sit the bouquet catcher down on the chair
the bride just vacated and will put the garter on her leg. It can be very fun and memorable, but it is
up to the bride and groom if they want it done at all. Sometimes also a child or teen will catch one
or the other, making it a possibly very embarrassing event for them so then
we’d just cancel the whole thing. I’ve
also had the two people related or even exboyfriend-exgirlfriends who get the
bouquet or garter, so I’ll always check to make sure you still want it done or
not.
Anniversary
Dance
There are other
special dances that you may want to have at your reception. One of my favorites is an Anniversary Dance,
where a slow song is played and all the married couples in the audience are
invited up (including you two!). The
song starts playing, and I’ll then start asking those couples married less than
a day to leave the dance floor (you!).
Then less than a year. Then two,
three, ten etc. until we have only one couple left. It gives them and all the other married
couples special recognition and everyone will applaud the various couples as
they exit, especially the longer they have been married. For a moment it sends all those couples back
to their wedding day, and acknowledges them for their accomplishment and love
together.
Novelty
Dances
There are lots of dances that you see at
receptions. Some couples don’t want any
of them played, others want them played more than once. Regardless, I will get requests for some of
them so I’ll need to know where you stand.
People either love them or hate them, but usually those who request them
will dance to them so if you don’t want one or all of them played I’ll diplomatically
tell them I don’t have it so the blame will be on me.
They are all somewhat corny, but they get
people who wouldn’t normally dance up on the dance floor and they can be a lot
of fun. If you two participate, it will
break the ice for many people and you’ll get more participation.
Some of them include the Hokey Pokey, the
Electric Slide, the Chicken Dance, the Macarena, the Stroll,
the Locomotion, the Limbo, the Conga, and some of the newer ones like the Cotton-eyed
Joe, Cupid Shuffle, Cha Cha Slide and the Dougie.
A Few
More Ideas
-Announcing close birthdays or anniversaries
is a nice way to recognize friends or loved ones.
-A group shot of all your guests can be
really cool and a great memory.
-And finally, finding out your parent’s,
relatives or friends favorite or first dance song is a great way to make the
reception special for them as well. Be
sneaky about it & it’ll be a nice surprise when it is played, bringing them
right back to their wedding day.
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